Omniscient: Powerless to change
by heatqueen
Summary: Rei/Setsuna, non-romantic. What is the point in having a psychic ability if you are powerless to change the outcome of your visions? Rei is confused but Setsuna understands.


There were days where Rei woke up with a bad feeling. It wasn't brought about by anything that had happened - indeed, she might have had a great day before and life seemed perfect - but she would know in the pit of her stomach that something bad was about to happen. On such days, she walked around with feelings of trepidation and dread as she anticipated something, but did not know what it would be, and took some time to pray for all her loved ones, that whatever happened, it would not affect them too badly.

Sometimes she would be relieved to find that she had overestimated the situation. It might be a petty argument between two friends, or someone going down with the flu. At such times she thanked God that her friends had been spared from something dire. However, this wasn't always the case, and sometimes the outcome was far worse than she could have ever imagined. The last time a situation that serious had happened, her grandpa had died.

It was days like that one that she felt helpless and powerless to the point where she even resented her gift. What, after all, was the point in having her psychic ability if there was nothing she could do to change the outcome? In the end, it didn't matter if she could sense a bad situation because she couldn't do anything about it. At times she felt that she would rather not have her gift because if bad things were going to happen anyway, she might as well not spend the entire day dreading them.

On the very rare occasion, the feelings of dread were so bad that she couldn't handle them alone. She remembered the days leading up to her grandpa's death - that had been the first time she'd opened up about her ability. For the entire preceding week she'd been holding a pit of intense fear in her stomach, so strong that it hurt badly. There was only one person who could possibly understand her situation: one other person who could predict an outcome but be absolutely powerless to control it.

Just two days before her grandpa had died, Rei had knocked on the door of the outer senshi's house, soemthing she didn't do very often since she wasn't particularly well associated with any of them. They had been surprised to see her but had quickly let her in, noticing the obvious shadows under her eyes and the demure expression on her face.

Setsuna hadn't been there when she'd arrived but had walked in just a couple of minutes later, stating "I had a feeling I would be needed here." She and Rei had talked alone, both taking comfort in the fact that the other one understood. It hadn't been easy for Setsuna either - she'd been forced to step back and allow unpleasant events to unfold, all for the benefit of Crystal Tokyo. She'd had to watch people die, and even die her self, because saving lives might alter the future. She'd also had to live with knowing that she'd had the ability to do something, but had done nothing. She knew exactly how Rei felt.

Today was another one of those days. It wasn't just a bad feeling but a terrible one, as bad as when Rei's grandpa had died. Horror took hold as she realized something just as bad or nearly as bad was going to take place - today, or in the near future. Her immediate first step was to consult the sacred fire, and when she did, she felt extreme pain coursing through her body, as if all her bones were on fire. Forcing herself out of her trance, she collapsed onto the floor and allowed tears to wash over her. She cursed her abilities again and again, wishing she could be rid of them forever. Who knew what was going to happen this time? What if someone else died?

Someone knocked on the door. Picking herself off the floor, Rei wiped the tears away and went to get it. Whoever it was, they couldn't find out about this. She couldn't bear to burden anyone else with the consequences of her ability and didn't want to be the bearer of bad news. However, when she opened the door and saw Setsuna standing there, she felt a fresh wave of tears wash over her as the one person who understood her stood in the doorway. Feeling overwhelmed with the pain of her emotions, she collapsed into Setsuna's arms crying. Setsuna simply held her, not asking any questions, already having a rough understanding of what had happened. Once again, she'd had a feeling she would be needed.

Once Rei had managed to collect herself into a calm enough state, they sat at a table where they could talk properly. While Setsuna wasn't her usual choice of chat buddy, most of her conversation being sophisticated beyond Rei's level, this particular subject was the one thing where they had a mutual understanding of where, when Setsuna spoke, she no longer sounded so much mysterious as deep and insightful. This was more than could be said for any of the inner senshi, who probably all thought (with the exception of Ami) that being psychic was super cool.

"It's like knowing but not knowing," Rei explained. "I can tell something's going to happen but not what, so I'm powerless to do anything about it. Who's it going to be this time? Who's going to get hurt really badly and all I can do is sit and watch?"

"Perhaps it's better that you don't know," Setsuna replied. Rei raised her eyebrows at Setsuna's outlook. The not-knowing bit was only serving to make her feel worse. "Perhaps it's better not to have the choice. I was able to see things from the time gates, and there were things I knew were going to happen. However, in such instances, I was forced with the decision of not doing anything, simply because that was my duty. Tell me, Rei, what is worse? Is it worse knowing that you couldn't have possibly done anything because you didn't know, or having to decide to do nothing because it's forbidden?"

The question left Rei pondering, and she realized Setsuna's situation had probably been worse than hers. _That must be awful, _she found herself thinking. _How painful must it have been for her?_

"It's so hard though."

"Of course. Life is tough. Things happen and they are beyond your control, psychic or not."

Setsuna was right, of course. Centuries of guarding the time gates had taught her that. What did happen in this instance was beyond anyone's control, though it's not as if it stopped Rei from hurting. Several days after the conversation, Makoto was injured badly in a hit-and-run. At first the doctors weren't sure if she would make it, but with some expert surgery and Makoto's quick healing ability from being Sailor Jupiter, she was declared out of the woods a couple of weeks later.

Rei grieved, of course, the same way as she'd grieved for her grandpa. Even though Makoto lived Rei still felt guilty and powerless. This time, her gift had been useless and she'd been able to do nothing but feel dread. She told this to Setsuna who reminded her it wasn't her fault, that it was one of those out-of-control things.

They weren't close friends but they both understood, and in understanding each other, they bonded in a unique way. It was sad, really: a bonding that occurred under painful circumstances rather than friendly ones, for if not for this, they would hardly speak. But Rei knew that, no matter what, Setsuna would be there for her when needed, and Rei would always be there for her too, taking on the burden of the consequences of each other's abilities and finding comfort when the world seemed like a dark place.


End file.
